What's in a Name?

I've been married for 3 months now and still haven't changed my last name. I've been putting it off for one reason or another... too busy, the paperwork is a pain in the butt, yadda, yadda, yadda. But honestly, the real reason I haven't done it yet is I haven't wanted to change my name. I don't really know why, but I've had the hardest time dealing with this little detail of marriage. I worried about it for months before we actually got married and have been debating what to do about it ever since. Mike doesn't understand why I have such an issue with taking his name. I think it kind of hurts his feelings, but he's been so patient and nice about it all... he told me to do whatever made me happy. I heart him. But honestly it's not even about taking his name, it's about losing my name. I feel like I'm losing my identity and I hate the fact that I won't have a distinct connection with my family, whom I am extremely close with, anymore. I've been in tears more than once about it and have debated with myself over and over and over.

But today, I finally made a decision. I've decided that I'm going to take both of the names. No... I'm not going to be a hyphenated person... I can't tell you how many times people have asked me that then snarled their noses.... I wonder why people have such a problem with that anyways? I'm just going to have four parts to my name from now on. At school and on signatures, I'll use my married last name, but deep down I'll know that legally I'm still the same person that I was before. I know that may seem silly, but it's the only way I've been able to make peace with it all. I haven't told Mike yet, but I know he'll be happy to hear that I've finally made up my mind.

An extra little tidbit... I went to the clerk's office at the judicial building to get the social security paperwork I needed and a copy of my marriage certificate to get the name change ball a-rolling. I gave them my info then had to run to the ATM to get some cash to pay for the certificate. When I got back, they told me our marriage license wasn't on record anywhere and we had never filed for one in our county. My stomach dropped and all my limbs began to tingle. I assured them that we had and asked them to please look again. As I was standing there waiting, I must have had a look of complete horror on my face, because when they found it, the lady came over, patted me on the hand and said, "Don't you worry honey, you really are married."